I try very hard not to let my current situation get to me. But some days, it’s just so hard.

It’s getting depressing searching for jobs when the economy is so bad and nothing is out there to even apply for.

Some days my optimism overrides the truth of the current state of things and I have a shining hope.

Somedays I just want to cry.

If I don’t find a job, I will lose my apartment. Where will I put all my things? I know I can stay with my oldest son, but he lives with his girlfriend and to me, it just feels like an imposition for them both.  I am grateful for the offer… but the environment  just doesn’t seem to have the same kind of peace that I’ve learned to crave.

Will I end up being one of those old people by the side of the freeway off ramps, beggars sign in hand?

Will I even be able to get a burger flipping job when all else fails? I can’t help noticing, some of the people in the drive-thru window are older than me!

And if I flipped burgers, I’d have money coming in, but I’d never have my own home…min wage, doesn’t even begin to pay for rent, utilities, and put food on the table, even with regard to the apartments in the bad neighborhoods.

Other days I am not this morose. Other days I can see all the roses in every possibility from flipping burgers to living with my son and his lovely lady.

I guess I have to have these days, so that I can more deeply appreciate the days when my mood is higher.

They say keeping a journal is good for the mind. We’ll see.

In the meantime, here I am, sign in hand, graphic web designer, will work for moola!